Last week my son was sick. This was no runny nose situation. He had hand, foot, and mouth. It sounds like a pioneer-times disease…and if you aren’t familiar, consider yourself #blessed. I won’t scare you off by sharing details – that’s why God gave us Google.
I held my little boy. His usually wiggly body lay still. His lungs that usually burst out in song were quiet. His hands that are usually searching for mischief were at his side. My poor boy was sick. The baby was asleep in his crib, so I sat in the big, cozy rocking chair with my little boy. To hold my little boy. To hold him with both hands.
I had this moment where I had him completely wrapped up in my arms – and I was completely overcome with my love for him. I gently squeezed his little sick body as if to transfer my love to him. To show him how much his mommy cared for him. To let him know that I was there to take care of him. Of course he did not realize all this was going on – all he knew was that he was getting time with mommy. And it was especially special because it was two-handed time.
You see…when I was sitting there, I had a realization. Ever since we introduced a new baby to our family a few months ago, I rarely got two-handed time with my little boy.
Here is what it has looked like…
When we got home from the hospital, the baby needed me all.the.time. For feeding. For rocking. For ten poopy diapers each day. For everything. My big boy got very little time – almost no hands on him.
As baby got a little older, and I was able to hold him in one arm, my boy got some one handed time. Some short-lived back rubs. A ton of high fives. An occasional moment when mommy held the baby and the boy at the same time.
But not a lot of two-handed time. Not a lot of extended hugs that last and last. Not a lot of snuggles in the rocking chair.
And as I thought through this, my heart broke for my boy.
So as I sat there holding my boy with both hands, I realized how much I missed him. How much I missed our time together. Just us.
And I promised him more two-handed time. For him. For me.